Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
