So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
