Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
