This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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