I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
