I have demons in me.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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