margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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