my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
