my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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