pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
