I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
