What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
