Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
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