no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Everyone says I win the strip club
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
