So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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