I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
