I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
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