First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
