he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
