i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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