At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
