Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
