He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize