walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
