He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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