Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
