peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
