Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
