A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
my shit smells like andre
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
