oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
