don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
