There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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