Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
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