I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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