We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
