I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
