Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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