Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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