Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
