I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
