I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
