There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize