Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
