I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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