I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
