So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Reggie can tackle my bush.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize