Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
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you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
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You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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