I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
