Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
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