Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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