Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
