i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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