If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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