I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
