so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
