her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Randomize
