I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
