i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
