remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
